14 Tips for Brushing Your Toddler’s Teeth Without Tears

When I began brushing my son Eytan’s teeth I made so many mistakes. I tried lots of things. Some worked, some didn’t. I had to get over a few setbacks when I rushed to “get it done” and forced it. Luckily, kids are resilient and I was able to learn from my mistakes.

I decided to share what has worked for me so that you can hopefully benefit from my experience and be inspired to come up with your own games. 

Brushing teeth the gentle way takes more time and attention upfront, and it could take you weeks to work up to it, but once you’re there you’ll be so glad you made the effort. I’ve gone from mildly dreading tooth-brushing time to actually looking forward to it.

1. Make tooth brushing a family affair

Have a tooth-brushing party, where everyone at home brushes at once. When I began establishing tooth brushing with Eytan, I announced “Time to brush teeth!” with great ceremony, and we all walked over to the bathroom together to brush. This sometimes works for immediate brushing, but even if not, it helps establish that brushing is something normal we all do and enjoy, and isn’t a special torture adults have devised for tormenting small children. Every time you, the adult, brush your teeth, announce it proudly and with joy. 

2. Show them how you do it close up

Show your child how you put the toothbrush in your mouth, and brush slowly. Open your mouth wide so she can see everything. Let her touch. Make happy sounds and faces to show how good it feels to brush your teeth. 

3. Let your child play with the toothbrush

When you are first starting out, let your child play at brushing her teeth, even if she isn’t doing a good job. When she is done, take a second toothbrush and brush her teeth with it. Later, when brushing is a bit more normal and boring, switch the order — you brush first, and then she gets to brush second for as long as she likes. 

4. Start with very short increments and use praise 

Only brush your child’s teeth for one or two seconds at first. Briefly switch to a different activity, and come back for two more seconds. Praise your child while the toothbrush is inside her mouth, actively making contact with her teeth, rather than before or after, with the height of your excitement and praise at the moment her mouth is open the widest. Try to take the toothbrush out before she closes her mouth. Work up to three or four seconds. 

For the longest time, I only brushed for 4-5 seconds at a time, working each section of the mouth separately with a few seconds’ break between brushing. Brush brush brush, play, brush brush brush. I stayed at 10-second intervals for weeks, and now I alternate between brushing Eytan’s entire mouth at once and breaking it up into 10 second chunks.

5. Switch to a softer toothbrush 

I find that even soft-bristled toothbrushes designed for small children are pretty abrasive. I switched to an extra-soft toothbrush, and it has made a big difference. I like it better for myself, too, and find tooth brushing actually pleasurable now and not only a necessary chore. Since toddlers have more sensitive mouths, an extra-soft toothbrush can take away some of the discomfort when brushing. Speaking as someone who has purchased seven (yes, seven) different toothbrushes for her son, including two electric ones, extra-soft bristle brushes are the way to go. Look for “soft nano” brushes.

6. Buy yummy toothpaste

This was a game changer! I bought Tanner’s Tasty Paste in vanilla and in chocolate. The vanilla is the best. I tried it and it’s so delicious I wish I could eat the pudding this smells like. This has made a HUGE difference in our brushing.

7. Watch videos on the joys of tooth brushing

Eytan and I watched dozens of YouTube videos showing children brushing their teeth, adults brushing their teeth, animals brushing their teeth, cartoon characters brushing their teeth… you get the picture. I’m all for limiting screen time for kids, but if you’re going to show them videos anyway, make it work for you. The videos helped us enormously. They made Eytan want to try the things he was seeing instead of having brushing be a thing he does because I tell him to. If you can get tooth-brushing videos of people your child knows, it will go a long way.

8. Let your child brush your teeth

I introduced Eytan to the game “I brush yours, you brush mine,” where the reward for allowing me to brush his teeth for a few seconds is that he gets to go to town on mine. Not going to lie, you might get stabbed in the palate, so keep a hand braced to soften the impact.

9. Brush your child’s teeth in front of a large mirror 

Brush in front of a mirror at the child’s level. If your kid is anything like mine, she’s going to love looking at herself doing something so grown-up. You can also set up a little tooth-brushing station with a small table and mirror at child-level. 

10. Brush while filming your child on your smartphone

Set your phone to film so the child can watch herself like in a mirror as you record. This serves two purposes: it makes that particular brushing session more interesting, and it allows you to re-live your success and re-watch the video with your child over and over again over days and weeks, showing her how good she was being and praising her. My son loves watching himself on the screen, and when I want to get him into “brushing mood” when he’d rather do something else I sometimes show him a video of himself having a great time brushing. 

11. Set up a reward at the end of the brushing

When your toddler doesn’t want to play at brushing teeth, and let’s face it, it gets boring, plan ahead so you have a highly desirable activity set up for after the brushing. When she asks to do this activity, say “Yes, OK, but first teeth!” A puzzle she hasn’t seen in a while, a toy, or, the most effective, anything the child initiates that strikes her fancy. 

When Eytan REALLY wants me to build his “cabin” (a blanket on top of his small table), and I give him the “yes, but first teeth” line he runs up to me with his mouth open as if to say “get on with it then!” Timing is key for this one to work long-term: the instant you are done brushing, tell him you can now do the desired activity. Don’t delay, not even for a second. You can even talk about the activity and how fun it will be while you brush. This helps the child make the immediate connection between brushing and getting to do the fun thing, and builds trust for the next time you brush. 

For a while, one of my go-to-brushing games was “Let me brush for ten seconds and I’ll pick you up WEEEE like an airplane a few times.” I brushed, lifted him several times to the point of giggles, then set him down. “Again?,” I’d ask, and he opened his mouth for another go. Here’s what it looked like:

12. Be playful

Once the child reacts to the sight of the toothbrush positively, you’re ready to use tooth brushing in play as part of daily life.

The key to using play successfully is to enter the child’s current play world and building on it. Let me give you a few examples.

The other day, Eytan was a tiger. I told him, “You are a big tiger! You have BIG SHARP tiger teeth! Oh no, your BIG SHARP teeth are dirty! Eytan the tiger, you roar and I’ll brush your DIRTY teeth!” Instant big open mouth followed.

Another evening he was playing with his excavators and didn’t want to stop. I pretended to brush the excavator’s teeth. Eytan laughed, lifted the excavator as if giving it an airplane ride, and wanted a turn.

And another time, he was a firefighter, breaking into a burning building (our entryway table) with his axe (a toy gardening rake) to save his baby chipmunk. This is a favorite pastime. “Eytan, you are a big fireman! The fireman knows how to open his mouth very big.” Boom, open mouth.

As you can see, these prompts take very little time. Tooth brushing doesn’t mean the fun is over, it only means the fun is taking a pleasant little detour.

Note: I get down on the floor so I am at his level and wait until he turns to me and makes eye contact before saying anything.

13. When all else fails, use a distraction

Unfortunately, tooth brushing has to happen regularly. Unlike other medical and self-care behaviors that can be trained over time, tooth brushing has to happen every day. This makes “working up to it” really hard. When all the above strategies fail, I take a break for twenty minutes or so and then put him in front of the TV. (The break is important so he doesn’t think all he has to do to get access to TV is say no to brushing.) I tell him everyone brushes their teeth — I do, his dad does, and every person we know (I list several friends and relatives here). I tell him –I don’t ask!– that I’m going to brush his teeth and we can watch TV at the same time. The reason I don’t ask is that I want asking to always mean he has a choice to say no, not “sometimes you have a choice, sometimes not.” 

As long as his eyes are on the screen, I gently force the brushing, holding him from behind. (Note: Don’t pin your toddler on her back for this or she will gag on her saliva and think you’re waterboarding her. A gentle restraint from behind is enough.) If he’s bothered enough to break his eyes away from the screen, or if he pushes my hand away and squirms, I stop, only to resume a few seconds later when he’s absorbed in the TV. Watching TV is so rewarding, he will put up with most things this way. It’s not my favorite, but he remains calm and isn’t physically fighting me or crying. 

I only do the TV trick very rarely. When I do, I reevaluate my plan. Does my child need to brush earlier in the evening, before he’s overtired? Did we have an especially busy day? What can I change next time?  

Similar to the TV trick is the Book Distraction Method. Sometimes, when it gets late and Eytan is eager for bed, I use a book to distract him. I don’t force the brushing like I do when using the TV, but it isn’t a playful cooperation either. He tolerates the brushing because he’s interested in the book. In this video, I chose a photo book Eytan likes and casually brushed his teeth as I told stories about the pictures in the book. It’s not perfect, but it’s good enough, and there are no tears.

14. Stay proactive

If your child is sweet and cooperative with tooth brushing, don’t rest on your laurels. You want an enthusiastic YES when you suggest brushing. Behavior tends to either get better or worse, so if you’re noticing a waning in enthusiasm towards tooth brushing, change your setup.

As your child grows up, adjust what you do along with his needs. Starting around age 2-2.5, toddlers respond well to stories about the “sugar bugs” that live in their teeth making holes, or any other stories you make up that inspire them to brush. You know your child best! Stay ahead of the game and think of new ways to delight your child as you brush together. It takes effort, but given that this is something you will do together twice a day every day for years, it is so worth it. 

I hope these tips help you. Please comment if you have more tooth brushing advice, I’d love to hear it! 

Update: Eytan is now three years old. He cooperates with brushing nicely. Most of the time, I brush his teeth while talking about the “bad bacteria that eat the food in his teeth and make lots of babies and make holes in his teeth.” We watched many videos and read lots of books about bacteria, rotten teeth, microscopic life, and so on, and he wants the bad bacteria out of his mouth. I often make the voices of the bacteria and make him laugh. Here’s what it looks like (sorry it’s not always in frame).

Sometimes, when he’s tired, I pull up a YouTube video about any topic he’s interested in at the moment, or one which I know would make him feel curious. “Eytan, how does a light switch work?” He runs over to our brushing station (couch), opens his mouth wide, and I brush as he watches the video. When I’m done, I hand him a second round toothbrush to re-brush his teeth himself. The video is only about 3 minutes long, and I make it last past the brushing as a reward. The video makes the whole experience easy and smooth. Here’s what it looks like: